So I’ve previously written about my beliefs about sex, & I started to explore the concept of ‘godly sexuality’. I’m now gonna expand on this concept, so it may be helpful to read ‘When 2 become 1′ (http://wp.me/p2Vhue-1v) to give you the context. But to summarise, I felt that to stay sexually pure is not about suppressing our sexuality per se, but about expressing it in a godly way. At the time I wasn’t sure exactly how that worked in practice, but felt that sexuality is much bigger than sex & romance, & that finding intimacy in friendships can be just as fulfilling as romantic relationships.
One important question to ask about this topic is actually, what is sexuality? I don’t think a dictionary definition is too helpful here, as our culture always associates sexuality with the physical act of sex, or the attraction that can lead to sex. But I reckon there is a lot more to it, ’cause I believe that there are emotional, mental & even spiritual aspects to sex, so then sexuality should encompass all these things! I believe sex is about 2 people becoming one- in spirit, soul & body. The worldly perspective puts the physical aspects on a pedestal, & the spiritual aspects have mostly been lost. But a godly perspective is the opposite- it puts spiritual aspects first, & physical last. & I think this is the key to maintaining a godly sexuality- it is committed to start from spiritual one-ness, perhaps leading to one-ness of soul, & eventually leading to physical one-ness with the one you marry. So in reality, godly sexuality isn’t about suppressing your sexuality, it’s about expressing it in a fuller way!
Now many of you may not agree with the view that keeping sex within marriage doesn’t involve suppressing your sexuality in any way. & you’ll be right to an extent- you often need to suppress your physical & emotional desires for this, but the purpose is so that your spirit can be more fully expressed. & at the end of the day, I believe your spirit is the real you, so you’ll actually be living more true to yourself. The thing is, if we always act on our emotions & impulses, we can cause a lot of damage to ourselves & others. Lust in particular has the capacity to consume you & distort the way you relate to others. Sexual brokenness has a uniquely damaging effect on our identity & our ability to connect with others, as the nature of intimacy is that it makes you vulnerable. But sexual wholeness is uniquely satisfying & euphoric, & it’s a gift God gave for us to enjoy & protect. & I believe you can experience this without having sex or even having a lover- I’ve found that it’s in God & through family that I’ve found wholeness.
So how can we put this into practice when we start to get tempted? I don’t think there’s an easy way to break free from lust. It starts with a desire to change, but that’s not enough- we need God to enable us to be strong against temptation. I’ve recently been praying for God to help me to say no to instant gratification, & that He’d set me free from its hold on me. & God will help you if you come humbly & really cry out for His help, but it may take a long while. It’s a process that can make you feel very vulnerable & uncomfortable, as it can be very hard to face your own darkness. But I believe it’s worth it in the end, & will allow you to be controlled by your convictions, rather than your feelings & appetites.
I reckon that the path to sexual wholeness is first of all, to find one-ness with God, in spirit, soul & body. One-ness with Him is really all we need, but God did create in us a need for other people. The bible urges us to have one spirit & heart, so this means that we are to experience spiritual one-ness with the whole Church. We can’t be emotionally & mentally intimate with every Christian though, as that’s not physically possible for us on earth. But God did intend for us to have people who we can become one in soul with; people we feel safe to be ourselves & be vulnerable with. & if we find someone who we can experience deeper levels of spiritual, emotional & mental one-ness with, then this is likely to be a good person to marry! If the person & time is right, then we can embark on becoming one flesh- spirit, soul & body.
But the purpose of all this should be that we partner together to pursue God & bring His kingdom on earth. When we unite together, we can synergise together to enable each other to be all we were created to be. Different people bring out different aspects of us that we may not have otherwise found out, & we are called to encourage, comfort, build up, spur on & serve one another in what ever way we can. At the end of the day, our sexuality & relationships should all point back to God, & be a reflection of the amazing crazy love that God has for all of us.